Suzuki introduced the Gladius as a replacement for the very successful SV650. While it was an objectively better bike in most ways, the American market did not take kindly to it and it was recently replaced with…the SV650 again. Apparently Suzuki sold at least one Gladius, because someone is trying to sell his and he’s resorted to trying to convince you that you’ll need it three years from now when the world has fallen apart. Enjoy his tale:
The year is 2020. The world has been decimated by the evil Admiral Virtuoso’s army of warriors. You have just watched your spouse and child be mercilessly gunned down by laser harpoons. The grief wraps itself around your heart like a steel wall that burns red with vengeance. You wrap a bandage around your missing eye and walk outside. A breeze blows through your long hair as you look with your remaining eye to the laser-filled metropolis on the horizon. MegaCity. The home of the Admiral. You know what must be done. Stepping into your garage you pull off the tarp covering your 2009 Suzuki Gladius that you bought on craigslist in 2017. It has been untouched. Saved for such an occasion.
You climb aboard your metal steed and start the ignition. The Aftermarket Danmoto dual straight pipe exhaust roars into life. The loud, throaty sound produced by the pipe will be the terror scream that all of Admiral Virtuoso’s warriors will soon come to fear. You grab the stock exhaust that was included in the purchase. Never know when you’ll have to be a little quieter for night-vengeance.
You roar out of the garage towards the dark city. Several flying robotic gigabats swoop down with their razor sharp wings, just missing your head. You chuckle, remembering that the bike was lowered 3 inches when you purchased it. Those 3 inches just saved your life. Grabbing your plasma shotgun from your holster, you blast the gigabats out of the sky and continue down the asphalt river towards your destiny, reminding yourself that you can easily adjust the links back to stock height in case you run into the Admiral’s dreaded piranha-dogs. A few added inches of height might just save you from losing a foot.
You glance down at the odometer. Only 12000 miles. The bike is smooth and beautiful on account of the fact that it’s never been dropped or wrecked when you purchased it. The black metal blends into the night as you rocket towards the final showdown between you and the man who took your family away. “Goddamn.” you think to yourself. “This thing runs like a fucking dream.” The bike may run like a dream, but the Admiral was about to face a nightmare. A nightmare called revenge.
If you got lost in the story, this bike (VIN: JS1VP55A092100241) has 12,000 miles. It has been lowered 3 inches with links that can be adjusted back to stock, it has a Danmoto dual exhaust (stock included), and it’s said to run great. And if you want more information on the Gladius itself, check out this review from Cycle World.
Find this Gladius for sale here on Craigslist for $2,900 in Richmond, Virginia.
This bike-uriousity brought to you by Matt K!